Because people were just dying to get in...

Some Orange Things from Yesterday's Travels

Open Letter to the Tour Guide with the Bullhorn Outside my Office Window

Dear Tour Guide,

Telling the tourists that the students who live in the same building as the President's Office have to be "really freaking quiet" because of the people who work in the building THROUGH A BULLHORN is not really winning you over to me.

xoxo,

-k

Words That are Not the International Radiotelephony Spelling Alphabet Code for U

• Umbrella
• Uvula
• Underpants
• Uppercut
• Utah
• Universe
• Unladylike

So my father was in the army, and when he spells things out, he always uses the Alpha, Bravo &c system. It has been a life long, albeit, entirely unsuccessful, goal of mine to learn it. Yesterday evening, as I was walking home from work, I was almost all the way there, and I got stuck on U. I'll look it up when I finish typing this sentence, but you can be assured that it isn't any of those...

And the winner is...

Uniform

Dispatches from My Spam Filter

I really wonder what the common thread is...

• Sup?
• Someone on Facebook is looking for you
• Meet 50+ singles
• Lonely Wives! [Date Real Cheating Wives]
• Stop Outsourcing Now!
• Hot Hot Fun
• Thousands of Hip Replacements Recalled Due to Failure
• We Need Your Kindness
• Talk to Me

Laundry Day!

wow. I really don't own a lot of color, do I...

Cambridge Culinary Delights

So, since I no longer even fit into my fat pants, I'm trying the cleanse again - no pasta, no booze, no sugar, no fried. So of course, I'm watching the Phantom Gourmet and thinking of things I would like to be eating and drinking. Here is a short list of my local favorites. Enjoy for me.

• Guacamole at Olé
  
• Rosemary Truffle Fries at the Cellar
• Bacon Cheeseburger at Casablanca
• Tomato Soup and Grilled Cheese at Upstairs on the Square
• Lobster Pot Pie at the Red House
  
• Lavender Cosmo at Om or the Grapefruit Cosmo at Daedalus
  
• Cupcakes from Sweet (which has almost made me forget my beloved Baby Cakes in Quincy)
• Hot chocolate at Burdick

and since it's breakfast/brunch time right now

• coconut french toast at Zoe's
• Canteen B.L.T. at the Canteen
• Anything at all at Petsi Pies

Sigh.

My Favorite Villainesses

• Yzma from The Emperor's New Groove
• Drusilla from Buffy
• Cousin Bette from, well, Cousin Bette
• The Queen of Hearts from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
  
• Sue Sylvester from Glee
• The Baroness from the Sound of Music (note. that link goes to a video of a guy - please believe me, it's mostly her song)
• The Snow Queen from The Snow Queen
  

Cat on a Hot Tin Handbag

What I learned at American Apparel today while buying tights

petticoats are back.

Where is Cyndi Lauper when you need her?

Why I am the Best Girlfriend Ever

Because last night consisted of:

• Beer
• Calzones
• Crank 2* and
  
• a martial arts movie**

* JSP had built this one up so that it couldn't possibly be as good as he described, but the last 15 minutes went from zero to (to borrow a phrase) one hundred and crazy really quickly.
** JSP had built this one up,but couldn't possibly describe how truly awesome and touching it was. I recommend.

Things That are Orange

I may never sleep again...

A Letter to my office light

Dear Energy Efficient Light,

You turn on when I walk in the room. And even though I turn you off immediately, if the fan blows in the wrong direction, or if I reach for paper from the printer, you turn back on.

You are not saving energy, Energy Efficient Light. You are just pissing me off.

Yours sincerely,

-k

Things That are Orange

from Mrs. K (and Manny!):

One key difference between JSP and me

He does dishes to Leonard Cohen

I do dishes to the Pogues.

How I spent my power outage

trying to figure out the aperture on my camera...

How Lady Gaga's song Bad Romance Would Change if She Had a Different Profession:

Actual lyric: Rah, rah, ah, ah, ah

If she were a cheerleader: Rah, rah, sis, boom, bah
If she were a fashion designer: Pra da, Pra da da
If she were on a show with Roy Clark: Hee Haw Hee Haw Haw
If she were a magician: Ah bra ca da bra
If she were a wee lass trundling a hoop: Tra la, Tra la la
If she were a sheep: baa baa baa baa baa
If she were creating a ruckus: Brou ha Bouh ha ha
If she were an Eli: Boo la boo la la

okay, that's enough of that.

oh wait, one more

If she made coloring books: Cray o cray o la

That song will never ever leave my head now...

Did I already do a list of phrases I'd like to bring back?

If yes, I would like to add to it "Mercy" - as in this tweet from Rachel Maddow: How have I lived this long without ever eating a roasted po' boy before? Mercy.

If not, the other ones on my theoretical list are

• My eye (my grandmother used to say this - as "in honest politicians, my eye!")
• My stars (or my stars and garters)
• Golly Moses (Grace Kelly pulls this off in High Society)
• Tight (for inebriated)
  
• Doll (so much better than chick, though I don't know why)
  

I definitely watch too many old movies.

Why I have the Best Boyfriend Ever

So today would have been my seventh wedding anniversary, if I was the sort of person who was meant to be a wife. So, pretty crappy day for me, overall.

So what do I get?

• Pasta
• Wine
• Ladies' Ninja Warrior
• A Town Called Panic - which is definitely the best movie of the year, if not the best use of celluloid ever utilized
  

Pictures from the Boathouse

Apologies for the crappy camera phone pictures - it was all I had with me...

Roles that I would go back to musical theatre for:

• The Baroness in the Sound of Music (if you've only seen the movie, you won't understand, but How Can Love Survive is one of my favorite songs in the R&H empire)
• Rosalie in Carnival (though Lily's song Mira is one of the few soprano songs I can still sing)
• Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors (actually, anything in Little Shop of Horrors)
• The Leading Player in Pippin
• Nellie in South Pacific (I don't have any of those notes any more, but it's still my favorite)
• Jenny in Threepenny Opera
  
• whoever sings Frank Mills in Hair
  

Grant's and my big idea

Eat, Prey, Love

in which our heroine is a cannibal who has to eat all of her spiritual advisers to gain enlightenment.

Please send all book contracts and movie deals to me as soon as possible. I'd like to have a Cape house by labor day...

Things I learned during my office field trip

• bowling = very bad for manicures
• me = very bad at bowling

Nerd Crushes

• John Barrowman
• David Tennant
• Felicia Day
• Nathan Fillion
  
• Neil Patrick Harris
  
• Morena Baccarin
• Jewel Staite
• Doc Hammer
  

I blame JSP and Mrs. McKender for this. I distinctly remember being cool once.

No, that's not true. I have never once been cool.

Things that Please Me

Cape Cod

Titles in my dream beauty pagent

• Miss Apprehension
• Miss Appropriation
• Miss Direction
• Miss Information
• Miss Construe
• Miss Diagnosis
• Miss Nomer

Things that I need to do before leaving for the beach this evening

• do the dishes
• pack my bags
  
• take out the trash
• make the bed
• loose 20 pounds

sigh.

Things I have in common with my boyfriend’s ex (as I discovered from her twitter feed)

A love of Martin McDonagh
A penchant for vintage bathing suits
A fascination with mermaids
An obsession with Doctor Who


I think in another life we would have been friends. Strangely, I don’t think that’s true of my boyfriend and my ex…

Things That Please Me

That they overturned Prop 8 because Gender no longer forms an essential part of marriage; marriage under law is a union of equals.

Bonus thing that pleases me - the sign that one guy was holding that said "I didn't get to vote on your marriage!"

and here's the Prop 8-the Musical video

don't get me started on our president, however...

A Few Cinematic Places Where I Would Like to Live

• Roman Holiday's Rome
• Amélie's Paris
• Martinique in To Have and Have Not
• The New York of Thoroughly Modern Millie or Newsies (if Christian Bale is still there singing and dancing)
• Ed Bloom's stories in Big Fish
• Most, but not all of The Adventures of the Baron Munchausen

Things That Are Orange

Things that I can’t stop thinking about after 5 days of a low carb “cleanse”

• Bagels
• Beer
• Cheeseburger
• French Bread
• French Fries
• Pasta
• Pizza

Do you think having all that in one meal would be overkill?

Questions that I do not have answers for

If you don't pronounce the b in thumb, why do you pronounce the b in Thumbelina?

Things that are pointless to attempt when my mother visits

• avoid alcohol
• avoid carbs
• get a jump on final project for class since friends will be in town next weekend
• do any homework at all

Things That I Know Aren't Practical in 2010, But Mad Men Still Makes Seem Strangely Appealing

• Architectural Undergarments
• Beehive Hair-dos
• Men in Fedoras
• Three Martini Lunches
• Smoking
  

Celebrity Girl Crushes

• Marion Cotillard - she is an a amazing actress, and also seems to want to be a mermaid when she grows up
• Tiny Fey - because what nerdy girl doesn't have a girl crush on Tina Fey?
• Christina Hendricks - for bringing curves back (and subsequently bringing clothes that curvy girls can wear back)
• Kristin Chenoweth - I just finished Pushing Daisies and my love for Cheno is pure. Here's some of that.
  
• Helen Mirren - because, well, duh

addendum - I don't know how I could have forgotten Tilda Swinton and Cat Deeley. JSP would fight me for Cat Deeley. and I think everyone on earth is powerless against SWINTON!

Things that Make Me Go "Dear Christ, It's Still Only July 19th!"

• White House/Black Market's "First Ever Peek at Fall"
• Staples' Back to School Savings

Not cool, people.

Movies that Netflix thinks I will like

• The Riches
  
• Murder on the Orient Express
• Pee Wee's Big Adventure
• In Search of Beethoven
  
• La Strada: Special Edition
• Kat Williams: The Pimp Chronicles: Pt. 1
• Doc Martin: Series 1
  

My favorite thing on the Bumpit website

Bumpits are not edible.

I did not make that up. It is here, bottom right hand corner.

Ways That My Cat Helps With My Morning Workout

• She observes, disdainfully
  
• She attacks the Wii remote when I put it down
• She curls up on the floor between my thighs and my feet when I'm doing sit ups
• She bats at my toes when I'm balancing on one leg

Books I Started Reading While Writing My Thesis That I Still Have Not Finished

• Cranford
• This Republic of Suffering
• The Curious Indecent of the Dog in the Nighttime
  
• Lolita
• Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog)

The Four Best Kisses I Never Had*

4. "Bartender" at Sleep No More: at the end of the performance when you wordlessly unmasked me, your stare was so intense that I thought you were going to kiss me. I found that I was strangely disappointed when you didn't.

3. J(1): You drove me home from a party and we got laughingly lost. When we said goodnight, there was a moment that I thought might change our friendship forever. And then it didn't.

2. H: I walked you to your dorm, and we lingered there for what felt like forever, and I couldn't find the courage.

1. J(2): I was taken. You were a gentleman. But that one night in your living room, it felt like my resolve and your valor wouldn't last until morning. Considering how things turned out, I'm sort of sad they did...

*I'm not sure if the fact that I can only come up with four missed kisses is an indicator of my bad memory or poor impulse control. Apologies if I have offended any of my seven readers by never poignantly not kissing them.

Things That I Now Know About Russell (as overheard on the 66 bus on Sunday)

• He had a brain infection
• He couldn't talk for three months
• He is totally not gay
• He made out with this chick in Ireland
  
• All of the above is terrifically funny (or so the hysterical laughter of the woman telling the story would seem to indicate)
  

TV shows that I love, that were cancelled before their time

• Firefly
• Pushing Daisies
• Better Off Ted
• Party Down (was just getting into that one)

and from the vaults

• Sports Night
• Freaks and Geeks
  

Places I would like to go

(in no particular order)

• Iceland for the Northern Lights
• Machu Picchu for my birthday
• Brazil for Carnivale
• London for The Dutchess of Malfi (though it's sold out, and I probably couldn't get to London in the next two weeks anyway)
• Australia for about 6 months or so
  
• Botswana the next time B3 is there for a while
• Sochi for the Olympics
• Italy for the food and wine
• Dollywood for obvious reasons

Guilty Pleasures

• Ice, Ice Baby
• Empire Records
• Butterscotch Krimpets
• Cosmopolitan
• Cosmopolitans
  
• Calzones from that place near JSP's and bad movies
• SYTYCD
• Maury's paternity shows when I'm home with a cold
• Cheesesteaks and Hoagies when I'm back visiting my family
• Cheerleader Movies (particularly Bring it On IV, In It To Win It)
  

Perfumes and colognes that remind me of specific people

• Alfred Sung - I still keep a bottle of it around for when I want to think about my grandmother
• Burberry - I don't remember which one, but someone in my class wears it, and it brought me right back to that summer with Frenchman number 1
• Axe - Oh, K., it's a good thing you were so good looking
• Drakkar Noir - the Axe of the nineties. Somehow more interesting on a woman. Or maybe, I was just nineteen and everything that woman did seemed interesting.

For those of you keeping track - I wear Organza by Givenchy.

Things I've worn in the last 6 months, that when put together become my costume from Bye-Bye Birdie in high school

• Red and white striped shirt
• Cropped rolled up jeans
• Ballet flats
• Red head band

Things That Displease Me

• sleeping in this heat
• (well, trying to sleep in this heat)
• doing anything in this heat

Julia's Twilight Drinking Game

Rules:

• Go to a bar and have your friend explain everything that has happened in the books/movies so far, because you have been living under a rock and have no idea what they are about.
• Go to a matinee of Eclipse (preferably having cut out of work early, but it's okay if you just have your office close early for the holiday weekend)
• Bring Jack Daniels
• Drink whenever someone says Bella or Edward, meaningfully stares or sparkles.
• We added "during lengthy speeches on a Victorian concept of a woman's virtue" for obvious reasons.

warning - we ran out of whiskey about 3/4 of the way through the movie, and would have added "when all the vampires appear on a hill looking like a Vogue Shoot" but were significantly out of luck.

ps - for those keeping score, I am definitely on team Jacob. Robert Pattinson's eyebrows creep me out.

Things that Make the Heart Beat Faster

Coming back from the shower, dressed in a towel, and seeing someone outside your bedroom window. (it's worth noting that I live on the second floor)

Apparently, my landlord is having the roof fixed, and they needed the landing outside my window for their second ladder. Or they wanted to see me in a towel.

Things That are Orange

Tuesday - Things That Displease Me

Summer classes.

Why, k-, you say, I thought you had that diploma in all its Latin-y goodness. Why would you be in a class during the summer.

Because, dear reader, I am a dope. And as my friend K. says, I am committed to overcommitment.

Ergo, grant writing class.

Monday - Things That Please Me

The Asylum

first they give us Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus

then they give us Mega Piranha

and now they have given us this

I'm sure it will be no match for Birdemic, but then, what could be....

Friday - Things That Amuse Me

Thursday – Things that Make the Heart Beat Faster

wii rhythm kung fu

that is not my mii in the front there if anyone thought that I had suddenly gained the capacity to upload a video onto YouTube...

also, when I do it there are far fewer "perfect" scores

Wednesday - Things That are Orange

(from the North Carolina Maritime Museum in Beaufort)

Tuesday - Things That Displease Me

Beets. I know that they're healthy and all, but they taste funny and have a most displeasing texture.

I blame the Twilight/True Blood/Whatever ABC's summer replacement True Blood rip off/&c trend for making people crave blood colored food.

Monday - Things That Please Me

• Mrs. K, whose birthday it is today
• that it's the longest day of the year
• and in honor of that, The Donkey Show at the ART

Friday - Things That Amuse Me

credit for the postmanataee picture (and for calling it a postmanatee) to JSP

Thursday – Things that Make the Heart Beat Faster

Jackhammers at 7 am.

I can't see where they are from my window, but I'm guessing NSTAR...

Wednesday - Things That are Orange

Tuesday - Things That Displease Me

• bug bites
• sunburn
• having to do anything today except sitting on a pier with a beer

sigh

Tuesday - Things That Displease Me

Flying.

I hate flying. I hate forgetting to buy a 3 oz container of contact lens solution. I hate taking my shoes off and walking on germy floors. I hate that US Air charges $23 for your first checked bag. I hate the seats. I hate the peanuts - or lack of peanuts because of allergies. I hate security lines. I hate it!

P.J. O'Rourke once said (and I'm paraphrasing here) - I remember when flying used to be fun. Now it's like traveling in steerage.

Sigh.

Not sure how much I'll update while I'm away. Have a lovely week.

Monday - Things That Please Me

So, finally deciding that I had gotten fat beyond all recognition, I bought a Wii Fit on Friday. Wii Fit also thinks I am fat beyond recognition. Also that I have very poor balance and not so great coordination. These things are all true.

The thing that pleases me is that I could (and did) make a little animated cat, so Milo now has a Mii.

And here we are (here wii are? is that too twii?)

Friday - Things That Do Not Amuse Me

Mornings after nights with the girls watching the Annie Darcy Band.

Oh, gin. you always seem like such a good idea at the time...

Thursday – Things that Make the Heart Beat Faster

The mouse that was in my office suite yesterday.

Eep!

And this wasn't a small mouse. This was a gigantic, hantavirus carrying monster mouse.

Now, I'm from the country. I grew up with field mice coming in-doors. I was famous in my family for making my dad set have-a-heart traps, and setting the mice free outside (which in turn lead to my fathers chipmunk relocation program a few summers ago).

But this half-rat mouse--who apparently had his home in the chimney that was being repaired--was no Stuart Little. I was not amused.

Wednesday - Things That are Orange

More technical difficulties - but the picture I had was a construction sign about wearing appropriate shoes and hard hats.

I'll leave it to your collective imaginations.

update:

Tuesday - Things That Displease Me

• leaving Vermont
• going back to work after five days off
• sunburned lips

boo.

Monday - Things That Please Me

Here's the link to Jimmy Tingle's speech.

Happy Memorial Day!

Friday - Things That Amuse Me

Jimmy Tingle's Graduate address at Harvard's Commencement yesterday. After standing for two hours in three inch heels to process in, battling the seating volunteers snapping at us (while simultaneously standing directly in the way) and sitting in uncomfortable seats for a while listening to speeches with the distinction of being dull in English AND Latin, his marvelous address was the best part of the morning exercises. If I can find a video or transcript, I will post it later.