16 July 2013
A few more pictures from paradise
11 July 2013
Sharknado - the live blog
(obviously I did not take this picture)
8:00 pm - So tonight is the night, kids. Tonight is the premier of Sharknado. Note - that is not the same as SharkNATO, which is what we first thought when we heard about it, which would be possibly the only thing better than a tornado full of sharks. I would also want Tara Reid to star in SharkNATO, by the by.
Anyway - tonight, for your reading pleasure, the elf, the loon and I will be liveblogging this masterpiece. Some of us are drinking wine. Some of us are on Sudafed. Some are throwing caution to the wind and mixing our metaphors. Or something.
It starts at 9. Tune in!
8:14 the elf explains to the loon what the pup is saying - "I will leave you alone as soon as you let me put my tongue in your mouth!"
8:15 - the pup has settled down for the moment. We'll see how long that lasts.
8:48 - last 15 minutes of SuperShark. May have to go back for this one.
The elf points out the only SyFy movie that we've been disappointed in was something like Ice Spiders. blech.
8:55 - I did kermit arms at the Sharknado commercial. The pup enjoyed that.
8:56 - B-man is joining us! Hooray!
9:01 - apparently Beau from The Dukes of Hazard was in the SuperShark movie. Minds = blown.
9:02 - Here we go!
well, they're starting right in with it. I appreciate that.
Loon - puts a whole new spin on the wizard of Oz.
9:04 - elf - we're so close to the ocean, could that happen to us?
b-man - anything on the syfy network could happen to us.
9:06 - the shocking moment when we realized that we hadn't set up rules to this drinking game. the group has decided if we drank when there was bad cgi, we'd all die of alcohol poisoning.
9:07 - three minutes in, four deaths already.
and now we're in Venice Beach Santa Monica.
9:08 - loon - can we buy the soundtrack?
9:09 - the dad from home alone! who isn't in this movie?
9:10 - so obviously the girl with the mysterious scar has no checkered past involving sharks, right?
9:12 - they're calling 90210 dude grandpa. not sure if I should be offended.
farewell, pretty Asian actress. should have guessed we wouldn't learn your name as no minority actor has ever made it to act III of a SyFy movie.
9:14 - so the sharks get the whole beach, half of the guy on the jet ski, but 90210 makes it, floating on a surfboard.
9:16 - b-man and the elf are tweeting our local weatherman to see about the chance of a sharknado in Southie.
9:19 - b-man - "Global Warming brings Sharknados?"
me - "also Birdemics."
Commercial break! Time for b-man to work on his outline!
9:24 - first Tara Reid sighting!
9:25 - It's not safe out there. The storm's coming. So I'm going to send all you drunks out into it to fend for yourselves.
Stake through the shark's heart. Sharkula cannot be far behind. [Sharkula versus Zombie-pus?]
9:27 - home alone dad with bar stool > macrame shirt chick with the gun
9:30 dear movie watching friends. you're debating the physics of the ferris wheel through the building in a movie about a tornado of sharks.
9:31 - our favorite newswoman just tweeted the elf back after we sent her the trailer. evening = a success.
9:33 - and now the weatherman responded: "Nope, it's okay to swim with the fishes here." evening = epic success.
9:38 - even in a science fiction sharknado world, you can't drive anywhere in L.A.
me - "in what way is that like Old Faithful."
elf - "well, there's water."
9:41 - home alone dad has his bar stool again to save the dog!
r.i.p. home alone dad. i lost the over under on you.
elf thinks that the voice synchronization on this show is almost as good as early iron chef.
outside input - miss j (coworker of the elf) "if this really happened, our company would still be open."
9:51 - new over under on douchebag boyfriend?
9:51:30. apparently the under.
9:56 - getting a lot of milage out of that storm drain footage...
9:58 - more traffic navigation.
City Council candidates are tweeting about their Sharknado contingency plans.
9:58:30 - the moment we realize that 90210's name is Fin.
10:02 - b-man has officially surrendered his outline.
10:03 - OMG - children in peril! wonder how this will turn out...
of course 90210 is repelling down. if they do this one kid at a time, i'm going to need another drink.
elf - one kid in 12 can climb a rope in gym class.
b-man - i hate the rope climb.
elf - there's no craft in that.
10:06 - we've gone from televised Los Angeles driving, to televised phys ed.
bus chaperone gets it in 3..2..
ooh - lost that one too. i've lost my syfy formula touch.
10:08 - the shark being cut loose from the rope and falling into the water may be a new high or low in the cgi effects in this program.
10:09 - movie "it's clearing up." elf "you still have another hour to go."
10:10 - bye, bus chaperone. you lived five minutes longer than i assumed you would.
why has there been no "it's raining men"/sharknado mash-up? b-man points out they're saving that for the Broadway adaptation.
b-man - if i get a doctorate, I owe it all to Sharknado. and Absolut.
10:17 elf - "that's what happen when chicks drive."
loon - "i hate it when the shark blows up with my car."
10:18 the least realistic thing about this movie so far is that this is the first trip to the liquor store.
the liquor store guy is the guy you cast when Zach Galifianikas' people don't return your phone calls.
10:21 - elf - "what's real in this movie? not Tara Reid's boobs. Not the wheels on the cars..."
10:22 - the time we realize that we have no idea how the intro with the guys on the ship relates to anything that has happened since.
10:23 - Holy shark filled water spout, batman!
10:24 - and they catch up with the loon's 9:02 Wizard of Oz joke.
10:31 - you were all huddling in the closet and you didn't even know about the sharks? lame.
10:31:30 - didn't expect the sucking out of the ceiling.
elf - "this shit is bananas!"
10:34 - is one of these people the droid they're looking for?
got to love throwing bombs into the tornados! this climate change plan brought to you by the Bush administration!
10:35 - ooh! generically handsome flyboy is 90210's son. it's all so clear now!
"I came for you first. remember that." - sharknado country song waiting to happen!
10:37 - mysterious scar story revealed!
"they took my grandfather. that's why i really hate sharks." emmy winning acting and writing right there.
10:46 our thoughts on who Tasmania is trying to be: loon - David Boreanaz; elf - Gerard Butler; me - Hugh Jackman
"we're going to need a bigger chopper!" Everybody drink.
I'm going to assume that macrame girl's black nail polish is an homage to Deborah Gibson's hand double in Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus.
"that worked" I'm sure it did.
elf - oh my god, they're not going to chainsaw sharks coming down!
10:49. bye bye borebutlerman and your weird bang.
loon - sharks love product.
bye bye Joni with an i.
10:50 - elf - fish and chips!
10:50:30 - and that's why you always leave a note.
10:51 - of course there was a gasoline can next to the pool.
10:52: elf -ooh connect four! i love connect four!
10:52:30 - elf - I want to discuss how his kids can drive a helicopter.
10:53 - our weather guy and newscaster are now apparently watching this and tweeting about it. i consider that a win.
10:55 - the shark just left his imprint in front of the Chinese theater...the loon wants to know whose star he landed on...
10:56 - the pup is so over this!
10:57 - loon "I'm still not clear how a bomb will stop the tornado."
elf - "there are sharks in the tornado. if you're asking questions at this point."
10:58: elf "fuck off steve!"
loon - "that's like a shel silverstein poem on crack!"
b-man - "how big is this shark?"
11:00 - massive screaming!
elf - "out of all the sharks in all the world, you had to end up in here."
11:01 - "hell of a day"
elf - "this is the best thing I've ever done. The wine helps..."
and scene.
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